{"id":530,"date":"2016-03-01T20:18:00","date_gmt":"2016-03-01T19:18:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainekonopka.com\/?p=530"},"modified":"2016-03-06T12:21:52","modified_gmt":"2016-03-06T11:21:52","slug":"bienfaits-de-la-mort","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainekonopka.com\/fr\/bienfaits-de-la-mort\/","title":{"rendered":"Bienfaits de la mort"},"content":{"rendered":"

Il y a presque un an, j\u2019\u00e9crivais le premier post<\/a> de mon blog Attentive Body : un article sur comment faire face quand on se fait esquinter par la vie. Quand j\u2019ai achev\u00e9 mon texte, ma m\u00e8re est morte. C\u2019est alors que mon post m\u2019a soudain sembl\u00e9 un peu sage.<\/p>\n

Son message demeure valable ; il \u00e9tait peut-\u00eatre juste un peu plus propre que ne l\u2019est la vie r\u00e9elle. Maintenant, j\u2019ai besoin d\u2019\u00e9crire la version \u201ctrash\u201d. Parce que depuis peu, la mort semble pr\u00e9sente \u00e0 la fois sur les gros-titres des journaux et dans la vie des gens autour de moi (bien s\u00fbr, c\u2019est une illusion. La mort n\u2019arr\u00eate jamais \u2013 elle frappe simplement plus ou moins loin de chez soi). Donc, pour ceux qui ont perdu leur \u00e2me s\u0153ur, leurs amis, leurs parents, leurs enfants ; pour ceux \u00e0 qui manquent David Bowie et Harper Lee, Michel Delpech et Pierre Boulez, Lemmy et Alan Rickman ; pour quiconque pleure en songeant, consciemment ou non, qu\u2019il y a une \u201cbonne\u201d fa\u00e7on de faire son deuil. Pr\u00eatez attention \u00e0 ce que vous vous dites et m\u00e9fiez-vous d\u2019un certain \u201cflicage\u201d du chagrin.<\/p>\n

Durant les jours, semaines et mois suivant la mort de ma m\u00e8re, j\u2019ai essay\u00e9 de suivre mes propres conseils : encaisser le coup, rester l\u00e0 o\u00f9 \u00e7a fait mal. Mais j\u2019\u00e9tais loin d\u2019\u00eatre pr\u00e9par\u00e9e \u00e0 combien ce serait dur de me laisser aller jusqu\u2019\u00e0 me sentir moche, fatigu\u00e9e, lourde, perdue. Mes besoins et mes \u00e9motions \u00e9taient distordus et faisaient ricochet, durant des heures parfois. Je me demandais si je devais r\u00e9agir (arr\u00eate de t\u2019apitoyer sur toi-m\u00eame !) ou c\u00e9der devant des envies plus minimales (pas faim, juste dormir s\u2019il te pla\u00eet). \u00c9tait-il d\u00e9plac\u00e9 d\u2019aller travailler ? \u00c9tait-il OK de parler de \u00e7a avec des gens ? Jusqu\u2019\u00e0 quel point ? M\u00eame avec mes coll\u00e8gues, entra\u00een\u00e9s comme moi dans l\u2019art de laisser le corps faire ce qu\u2019il a besoin de faire et vivre le moment pr\u00e9sent \u2013 oui, m\u00eame avec eux, je sentais que je modulais mes r\u00e9ponses, comme si donner la \u201cmauvaise r\u00e9plique\u201d aurait signifi\u00e9 que j\u2019\u00e9tais absolument pass\u00e9e \u00e0 c\u00f4t\u00e9 de ma profession. Je me prot\u00e9geai. Je d\u00e9veloppai quelques phrases que je r\u00e9p\u00e9tais : \u201cC\u2019est intense, disais-je, mais \u00e7a va\u201d. \u00c7a n\u2019allait pas mais combien de fois peut-on le r\u00e9p\u00e9ter ? Pendant combien de temps est-il OK de dire qu\u2019on n\u2019est pas OK ?<\/p>\n

C\u2019est au cours de ces mois de printemps confus que je lus Joan Didion, reine du chagrin malgr\u00e9 elle, dont le r\u00e9cit entier<\/a> de l\u2019exp\u00e9rience de ses pertes<\/a> r\u00e9sonnait avec la mienne. Tentative d\u2019y donner du sens, de concevoir l\u2019inconcevable : que nous ne reverrons jamais plus cette personne ; que tout ce qu\u2019on avait entrepris avec elle ne trouvera jamais son ach\u00e8vement ; que, quelle que soit notre vie, nous devrons d\u00e9sormais la vivre sans elle. Puis : les vagues qui montent de dessous les pieds, le pincement dans la partie la plus basse des poumons qui fait que \u00e7a devient difficile de respirer, la pression comme une pierre dans la gorge, la chaleur et l\u2019eau dans les yeux.<\/p>\n

\u201cLa soci\u00e9t\u00e9 police le deuil\u201d, \u00e9crit Dennis Klass, expert du deuil, dans l\u2019Encyclop\u00e9die de la mort<\/a><\/em>, dont j\u2019ai lu une bonne partie. \u00a0\u201cElle contr\u00f4le le deuil et quand deuil il y a, donne des instructions sur que penser, que sentir et comment se comporter. Toutes les soci\u00e9t\u00e9s ont leurs lois concernant la fa\u00e7on dont les \u00e9motions doivent \u00eatre pr\u00e9sent\u00e9es et trait\u00e9es.\u201d Au-dessus du chagrin effectif, il y a des attentes concernant l\u2019affliction, culturelles ou religieuses pour la plupart d\u2019entre elles. Comment s\u2019attendait-on \u00e0 ce que je pleure ma m\u00e8re ?<\/p>\n

\u00c0 Bali, je devrais ravaler mes larmes.<\/p>\n

En \u00c9gypte, je devrais pleurer \u00e0 chaudes larmes, longtemps et fort.<\/p>\n

Au Japon, je devrais relever la t\u00eate et veiller \u00e0 n\u2019incommoder personne de ma peine.<\/p>\n

En Chine, je devrais payer les services d\u2019une pleureuse.<\/p>\n

Au Tibet, je devrais chanter une m\u00e9lop\u00e9e durant 49 jours et chercher un lotus dans les cendres.<\/p>\n

Chez les Maoris je devrais veiller son corps et lui parler.<\/p>\n

Au New Jersey, je devrais porter du noir et regarder son corps \u00e9tendu dans une bo\u00eete avant qu\u2019on ne la conduise doucement vers le cimeti\u00e8re o\u00f9 je me fraierais un chemin \u00e0 travers la glace et la boue et d\u00e9poserais une fleur sur sa tombe, comme dans un r\u00eave. Et ensuite, dans le restaurant Lighthouse sur Broadway, je mangerais sans faim et boirais du vin et l\u00e8verais mon verre avec la famille quand chacun partagerait les souvenirs qu\u2019il avait d\u2019elle.<\/p>\n

C\u2019est exactement ce que j\u2019ai fait, puisque je suis du New Jersey.<\/p>\n

Or, un jour, sous la douche, envisageant une fois de plus les choses \u00e0 faire et \u00e0 ne pas faire quand on a du chagrin, je me suis rendu compte que j\u2019\u00e9tais partie dans les bulles de mes pens\u00e9es et que je ne sentais plus l\u2019eau sur ma peau. Je me suis soudain retrouv\u00e9e face \u00e0 ce fichu truc de \u201ccomment faire son deuil\u201d et \u00e7a m\u2019a mise en col\u00e8re. Alors j\u2019ai arr\u00eat\u00e9. J\u2019ai laiss\u00e9 sortir tout ce que j\u2019avais comprim\u00e9. J\u2019ai respir\u00e9. J\u2019ai pleur\u00e9. Et \u00e7a m\u2019a rendue encore plus en col\u00e8re, et la col\u00e8re est mont\u00e9e, mont\u00e9e jusqu\u2019\u00e0 une pouss\u00e9e extr\u00eame et \u00e0 un soulagement : il n\u2019y avait pas de \u201cbonne\u201d fa\u00e7on de pleurer ; de l\u00e0, ni de \u201cmauvaise\u201d fa\u00e7on non plus. Je pouvais faire l\u2019inventaire des exp\u00e9riences des autres et les comparer, mais les prendre comme crit\u00e8re \u00e9tait une erreur fatale. Il n\u2019y a pas de crit\u00e8re pour le chagrin, ni de mesure ni de boussole, sauf son propre chagrin.<\/p>\n

La mort me laissait debout sous la douche, en train de respirer profond\u00e9ment et de me dire, J\u2019ai le droit de r\u00e9agir comme je veux, putain !<\/p>\n

Une seconde pens\u00e9e m\u2019est venue, peut-\u00eatre \u00e9vidente : Pourquoi donc attendre la mort pour faire ce qu\u2019on a envie de faire ?<\/p>\n

On fait tout ce qu\u2019on peut pour ne pas la voir. Mais se confronter \u00e0 la mort \u2013 la douleur de la perte de l\u2019autre et la peur de sa propre disparition \u2013 peut nous mener \u00e0 la plus grande des libert\u00e9s. La mort est notre carte de sortie de la \u201ccase prison\u201d. Parce que jusqu\u2019\u00e0 ce qu\u2019elle nous prenne, nous avons la chance de vivre, de voir ce que nous avons accompli et qui nous avons \u00e9t\u00e9, et de ne pas g\u00e2cher le temps qui nous reste. Ne te d\u00e9tourne pas, comme le disait Rumi : \u201cGarde les yeux sur ton pansement. C\u2019est par l\u00e0 que la lumi\u00e8re entre en toi.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

ELAINE KONOPKA<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Elaine est fondatrice de The Attentive Body (Le corps attentif), qui propose\u00a0des\u00a0s\u00e9ances individuelles<\/a>\u00a0de conscience corporelle et de gestion de la douleur \u00e0 Paris, ainsi que\u00a0Breath Lab<\/a>, un atelier d\u2019exploration respiratoire.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Il y a presque un an, j\u2019\u00e9crivais le premier post de mon blog Attentive Body : un article sur comment faire face quand on se fait esquinter par la 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